Over the past couple of months I’ve been doing a little soul searching. Reflecting on some things that have happened in the past. Wondering if some of those things could’ve been avoided, what I could’ve done differently? All of these are questions that I kept asking myself.
I have come to realize that, I can’t change the friendships lost, family ties broken, and the pain experienced from any of these situations. How could I possibly fix all of this? This was always a question in the back of my mind.
I decided to forgive, starting with myself. In order for me to gain the peace that I was searching for I had to forgive myself.
I had to forgive myself for mistakes that I made, poor decisions, bad habits that may have caused me harm, hurt that I’ve caused others (intentional or unintentional).
Don’t get me wrong… bringing up certain things from my past cause me pain and hurts to talk about, but that does not mean it has to disturb my peace. I had to learn to be strong enough to be able to overcome the triggers and maintain my peace.
I learned to stop making excuses for my past actions. Forgiving myself allowed me to be human. Telling myself, it is okay to make a mistake as long as I learned from my mistake. If a mistake caused someone else pain. It’s okay to apologize and move on. Some people will not learn the true meaning of this until the true meaning of forgiveness is learned.
In the past I would hold a grudge for so long. Like, no one could hold a grudge longer than I could. Only to learn that this was hurting me far more than the other person. This was causing me emotional trauma. Why would I want to do that to myself? Stupid, right?
I had to forgive my way through the issues in order to be at peace. It may not have stopped the pain or emotions that I felt and sometimes feel, but I’m no longer hold onto these situations.
Remember, everything takes time. Staying focused is important. What made this easier for me was remembering that, I can’t take responsibility for anyone else, but myself. The only thing I have control over is MYSELF.
Until next time…