I’ve struggled for years growing up and into adulthood of feeling like a failure. It didn’t matter what it was that I was tasked with. I would try so hard to perfect it that I would ultimately feel like a failure and sometimes not complete it.
I didn’t realize until about a year or two ago that I will NEVER be perfect at anything that I do. I no longer want to be perfect, nor do I want to feel like a failure.
This was not easy for me to overcome. I am a goal setter and I tend to check things off of my list of to do’s. So I feel when I do not complete my goals or when I don’t finish the “to do list”, I’m a failure.
Trust me, this is not how you should feel and this is definitely not the case. In fact, you should feel the total opposite. Again, this took some adjusting. I practically lived my entire life not wanting to fail at things. So I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
You have to look at failure as another way wanting to be perfect. So for example, perfection is like your boss who has a chip on his/her shoulder. So basically , no matter how hard you work he/she will find something for you to do/re-do or something that you’ve made a mistake on. And I mean ALL THE TIME. How over the top right? How insecure would that make you feel? You couldn’t help, but to feel like a failure, right? Now think of this as being your life work and personal.
Now back to my goal setting statement. I’m not saying setting goals is a waste of time because I feel as though that’s important. Setting goals has helped me long term. What I’m saying is, don’t consume yourself with meeting every single goal. It’s okay if you fall short as long as you keep going.
When you start thinking that you HAVE to be perfect at every little thing is when you begin to self -criticize and here comes your fear of failure. Next, you’ll begin to procrastinate. Then you’ll just give up all together and that’s not want you want to do. Giving up is not an option. You have to keep going.
One step at a time…
I had allowed not wanting to fail make me think that my family, friends, and just people would reject me. How can I possibly give advice about goals and hold others accountable when I failed at my own goals. This was how I felt. When in fact I had to tell myself that it’s okay to fall short as long as I kept moving forward.
Take some time and ask yourself…
Are you striving to be perfect? Why? Has striving towards perfection brought you satisfaction? What has striving towards perfection taught you about your self-worth? What causes you to feel like a failure? Do you have a circle of friends that hold you accountable? Why or why not?
Take some time to think this over and write down your thoughts. This will help you re-evaluate.
Until next time…